Friday, February 20, 2009

10 rules!

I am particularly worried of when i will have children of my own...
i would wish that i could bring them up in a city but not in the environment of a city...
u get me?

i dont want to raise my children in an environment like what it is today in KL.
it would be to hard and my gurls would be too exposed to social mishaps...

i would have to put up rules on how people are to treat my daughter especially people who she would date.

10 Rules To Date My Daughter

Farm House In A Wheat-field

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering somtin, because you're sure not picking anything up. I'll smack u on the head if u do!

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. PERIOD! You may glance at her, so long as you do not stare at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will personally break them off.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this:

You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my stapler gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'protection' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the protection, and I will kill you. (with Allah's permition, of course.) Get married first, PLZ!

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.

TAK YAH NK BODEK AK!

The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is

"sebelum maghrib."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.

If you make her cry,

I will make you cry.

Seriously!

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Jabatan Pulau Pinang. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like

  1. massaging my back
  2. helping my wife to clean the toilet
  3. cut the grass
  4. buy me a slurpee
  5. organizing my address book.

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter :

  1. Places where there have beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
  2. Places where there have no parents, policemen, or 4 org saksi within eyesight.
  3. Places where there is darkness.
  4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
  5. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, baby T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, Jubah - zipped up to her throat.
  6. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
  7. Liga Piala Malaysia games are ok.
  8. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a fat, balding, middle-aged, and a dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,

I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.

If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a stapler gun, dancing shoes and five acres behind the house. Do not play with me.

Rule Ten:
Treat her with all the respect you can manage.
Love her with all ur heart...
or u will suffer the wrath of my fist!

p/s this list can only be applied to the real world if one day i would have a daughter...
either wise, plz ignore.
Toodles!

8 people give a shit!:

thE^DuCheSs said...

R1: I like..n support 100%
R2:boleh caya ke lelaki mase hadapan?
R3:100% agree..again…pakai stapler? Jadik2..akak penah stapler baju akak yang koyak…tak reti menjahit tahap cipan punya pasal…
R4:Rejam sampai mati…Kill!! Kill!!Die!!Die!!
R5:curfew sebelum maghrib?up ke isyak la skit…
R6:da tu kalau ur daughter make ur wanna-be-in-laws cry? Kire camne plak?
R7: Pergh..mael..gila bapak kejam ko sebagai ayah….hahhahahha..maunya anak ko jadi andartu…hahhahahaha
R 8: I like!!no.5…cool!!! btw, jubah ade zip ke?hahhahahha….no.7..padahal ko pun taktau..baru Tanya angah tadi kan..ceh…
R10: we should only worship God..nauzubillah mael..anak ko sape?hahahhahhaha

aMaeBa said...

haha...
r5. tgk la budi bicara...
r8. kantoi la plak...hahahaa
r10. agak la...silap tue... jgn la sampai puja lak kan?

Jannah the Superrific. said...

Gila.

fiza said...

sangat gila

aMaeBa said...

gila sgt ke?

Nadiah Kzaman said...

kak nad gelak part yang STAPLER GUN tuh..wooo giler woo...bahaya stapler gun kat situhh

aMaeBa said...

sakit hati la org dok pakai seluar telondeh2 ni...
biar padan sket muka..

- M i N - said...

haha aku ske gle ngn rules ko ni...x saba aku nak tggu ko kawen n buat sume mende ni kat anak ko...

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