am i a murderer?

View of Saintes-Maries with Cemetery

for the last 20 years of my life i had countless pets...
cats,
rabbits,
hamsters,
mice,
guinea pigs,
fishes,
and a couple of turtles..

i do love animals but i dont like cleaning after them...
i have a few time been old to clean the cats pin,
owh my...
it was dreadful...
the stench!

i cant believe that something so cute and cuddly
could produce something that smelly!

now, i have 17 cats at my house,
mind u that only 1 is legal...
my mom loves cats as well and decided to them feed...
we used to have 2 cats that we allow in the house,
but not long ago 1 of them went missing
his name is Gebu,
his like my other cat's (Kundoq)
best friend..
i miss him very much...
(tear drops...)

this is kundoq.
my fren nina call him 'Princess'.
gemok benar kan?

so for he has been with the family aound 4, or 5 years..
i dont remember, lost count.

i cant tell u how many have died coz i already lost count...
many of them died due to road accidents (mom,dad and akak...)
some of them just went missing...
and some of them died peaceful deaths under the house and on our lawn..
i once heard from my mom that cats would run away
somewhere near to die a peaceful death...
but before that
if they are sick they would scrap every energy
they have left to spend their last remaining tyme with their owners...

this once happened with one of my cats...
her name was Marmalade,
she was really sick around one month b4 her death,
we did everythin,
sent her to the vet,
giving her medicine and such,
but nothin works...
but suddenly she was able to walk around and act as if
nothin ever happened and she was never sick...
we were so happy...

she died 2 days later on our porch.
she had been with our family for 6 years.

as for the hamsters, guinea pigs, mice and fishes..
they never last that long...
i just think that the constant glare from the many cats in our house
scare them to kill themselves...
or somtin would happen that make us decide to let them go

my guinea pigs died of depression,
my fishes died one by one by an unknown illness,
my rabbits had to be left at a some house somewhere by the street,
my hamsters had to be given to my cousin coz my sis cant handle the smell,
my mice just simply decided to die...

so,
i dont think its my fault that the animals
we decide to care for dies in the end..
coz life ends.

i do miss them
especially my cats...
do u think our pets will be in heaven with us one day?
i do hope so.

toodles evrybody.
have a wonderful friday.