Showing posts with label Insults. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Insults. Show all posts

Sunday, September 20, 2009

beauty


it is said that the women species would try anythin to be beautiful
and fabulous...
ANYTHIN!
including using some weird cosmetic products
that we usually would irk at their sight...
here are some of the products...
see whether u would use it or not...


Bull Semen Hair Treatment

Believe it or not, bull sperm (yes, bull semen) is becoming a cult hair treatment at a swank UK salon. The solution combines Angus bull semen and a plant root called katera. Both ingredients are protein packed and help penetrate and condition the hair shaft. Supposedly it's deeply nourishing and revitalizing as it has earned a nickname "Viagra for the hair." Treatment costs over $100.

Feces Odor Tablets

The Ultimate Personal Hygiene Product, feces odor tablets. Another Japanese innovation, these pills promise to make your excrement completely odor-free in three days of use. "...people must be responsible for their odors", says the bottle. 600,000 bottles sold in the first six months, according to Colors Magazine.

Gorilla Snot Hair Gel

In the USA, Gorilla Snot is used to help guitarists hold on to their picks. But in Mexico, it's used as a hair gel. "Moco de Gorila" is made by Mexican-based N.I.S.A. and is supposed to provide an extreme hold for ape-like hair-doos. I like the cartoon picture of a gorilla with a mohawk, earrings, and slimy stuff running out of his nose. You can buy it online for $ 7.49.

Nipple Lightening Cream

Finale Pinknipple Cream conditions the nipples, leaving them pink and fresh. With a mixture of natural herbal extracts, it helps lighten dark spots while removing dead skin cells and revealing new, pinker skin gradually within 4 weeks. Vitamin E, Squalene, and Allantoin are added to make your skin even more smooth and supple. Pinknipple Cream can be used for a long time and your nipples will not turn darker than before if discontinued.

Pubic Hair Coloring

Betty Beauty is the name of a hair coloring made especially for pubic hair. Apparently many hair salons have made the practice of providing women with a brown bag of hair coloring to match the coloring they just got put on their heads. A woman named Nancy Jarecki decided why not sell a product like this over-the-counter.

And so, Betty Beauty was born. Coloring comes in five different colors, brown, black, blonde, auburn, and hot pink. Hot pink??

Bird Poop Facial Treatment

Guanine, an enzyme found in nightingale droppings, is an ingredient in many make up products and is claimed to make a good job of exfoliating and bleaching the skin. The ancient Japanese cleanser - geishas and kabuki dancers have been using the bird poop to wash off their heavy white makeup since the 18th century - contains guanine, which supposedly removes pollutants and blackheads, and helps even out skin tone. One ounce of the product costs about $20 and a facial treatment at a Spa in New York costs over $200!

Cheetos Lip Balm


Made by New York based Lotta Luv, this Cheetos lip balm is exactly what you think it is: orange lip balm that tastes like cheese. Would you be willing to give this thing a try? They also have A&W Root Beer lip balm, Hostess Twinkie lip balm, or their Jelly Belly lip balms. They've got a bunch of others.

Naughty Nads Bikini Design Kit


Available in Amazon for $8.50 is "Naughty Nads Bikini Design Kit". It's a "bikini area" depilatory kit that comes with four templates to create fun and shapely designs. Naughty Nads uses a hot wax application to remove unwanted pubic hair. You first apply the template of your choice, then apply the wax. Templates include, "love heart", "lightning bolt", "landing strip", and "bermuda triangle". The kit contains a 140g jar of Mango & Peach-scented bikini wax along with spatulas, orange sticks, soothing and finishing wipes, and an extensive instruction booklet.

Sunblock for Nails


You've rubbed some UV protection sunblock on your skin, you've got yourUV protection sunglasses on, your UV protection lip balm, and you even treated your hair with UV protection conditioner. Ah, but you forgot to protect your fingernails from UV radiation!
Qnc Labs, the maker of nail care products for women, has a product called "Sunblock for Nails". You brush it on like nail polish, and it protects your finger nails from the Sun's ultraviolet rays. But if finger nails consist of dead matter, why do women need to protect them from UV light? Well the company says that exposure to UV light can cause nails to yellow. And what woman wants yeller nails?

Twlight Makeup Line


So apparently there's a Twilight makeup line coming out from DuWop, the cosmetic line being used during the filming of the new movie, "Blue Moon" or whatever. Want to look like a vampire and save $16? Don't sleep.

kelakar kan benda2 nyer...
but still i can still understand if there r people
who are willing to give these products a go...
silly and stupid people,
but people none the less...

::credit to www.oddee.com::

toodles!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

kak noniey ku syg.

Self Portrait Bandaged Ear

'5 Reasons Why Its Not Fun Being Old'

1. u get addicted to sirap

2. u get really excited when random people ask u random stuff on the bus heading to lcct.

3. u have to wear slippers that make u look taller coz body posture and height worsen with age.

4. u no longer can stand to take a bus to ur home town coz it takes to long and ur back cant stand sitting for longer than 2 hours.

5. u have a frend named Mael!

hehe...
sori kak noniey.
post nie
di-dedicate-kan
(sori kids, this is not a real word)
kepada anda...

pasal ape ek?
haha..
saje.

toodles.

Friday, March 6, 2009

stuck at the door

Cottages at Cordeville

"Two scientists write that obese people are disproportionately responsible for high food prices and greenhouse gas emissions because they consume 18% more food energy due to their greater body mass - and require increased quantities of fuel to transport themselves and the food they eat."

5 reasons why its better to be fat
(or chubby or watever you may call it.)

1. Weighing more makes us harder for the aliens to suck out of our cars and our homes during their invation. worse comes to worse they get stuck at the door on their way up.
(way way better than being an alien experiment isnt it?)

2. when we run out of oil, (which will happen eventually)
we can burn them for heat, and they'll burn far longer than skinny people.

3. when we have to resort to cannibalism, they'll taste better than their skinny and athletic counterparts, who will be tough due to their muscles
(for those who wears bracers like me.)
they will be far easier to hunt, as they will move slowly and tire quickly.

4. dont have to actually succumb on being a fashion slave. dont have to waste hundreds of ringgit to buy clothes and pants and jacket and stuff.
coz most clothes dont fit.

5. this one is the truth.
u would live happier.
no more diets. no pantang2. i hate pantang2
just let me eat watever i want!

toodles!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Once upon a tyme... part 2

Autumn Landscape at Dusk


More situations!
Credits to Sarah Iqbal
Please interpret on your own yeah!


Situation 1
# A friend that you've known for a long time, recently called you, "pendatang" and "illegal". You just a gave a smirked.

monologue: Emm...? sori la...its not my fault that u're born a fucking retard! buang masa je aku spend tyme with u all these years.

Situation 2
# You saw a Jason Mraz look alike giving a presentation about his artworks in Kinokuniya and you started stalking him.

monologue: why am i doin this? i dont even like Jason Mraz! wait! that not even him!! arghH!!!

Situation 3
# You were having early dinner with your boyfriend and your best friend and her mother was stalking you.

monologue: eh? kitorang kawan je la auntie... (ill get u letter, damn fren u are!) nk ikot pon tak yah la bwk mak ko... bagong tol!

Situation 4
# When is so obvious that your in a relationship even though when you're not stating it and suddenly, a human asked you this question, "when are you guys becoming an item?". You just smiled.

monologue: do u honestly i think i would share that with u? if u're person that i think should noe, u would already have!

Situation 5
# You were lining up for popcorns and u saw a malay couple, engaging themselves in having PDA. The girl was wearing hijab. You turned away and sigh.

monologue: Cik, kami dari JAKIM... Cik dh Kahwin ke?

TooDles!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

try writing while u're sick!

Cypresses With Two Figures

it has been a really long 4 days since my last post...
last weekend i had a really bz two days i had two prepare for a dinner show and i had to participate for a bowling comp...

basically i lost the competition...(got 4th)
i made several mistakes during the show...

but i had a really good tyme doin both...
it was a long tyme since i had tyme to hang with pjan, ruud, pah and shahir...
so it was tyme well spent...

i also enjoyed doin the show coz it have been a long while since my last show outside of uni...

me and the nafastari dance team..

but dont let these events, deter me from my main objective today...
which is...

NINA'S BURBDAY!!!

happy birthday dear!
sori i cant be there with u celebrating...
(but im here in my room, sick! typing this up for u)
but ill make it up to you somehow....
hope u have many more burbdays to come and many more memories that come with it..

this is nina, everybody!

nina is a dear fren of mine
and appreciate every moment we have spent together...

a person of great personality and humour...
u are a great fren.

i wish u all the best in ur future

so, sorry for all the mistakes ive done to u.
sorry for not able to dedicate my performance to u last Sunday..
(i tried but, those mc's are just unnegotiatable...)

and sori for the times i had to raise my voice...

tanx for always being there,
tanx for the happy memories,
tanx for the many escapes...
tanx for my wonderful burbday,
tanx for being my fren.

hapy birthday, nina.

p.s
she has also lied to people,
telling them its her burbday eventho its not...

(kesian hanif and Dr.)
but i dont think it worked tho...

toodles!




Friday, February 20, 2009

10 rules!

I am particularly worried of when i will have children of my own...
i would wish that i could bring them up in a city but not in the environment of a city...
u get me?

i dont want to raise my children in an environment like what it is today in KL.
it would be to hard and my gurls would be too exposed to social mishaps...

i would have to put up rules on how people are to treat my daughter especially people who she would date.

10 Rules To Date My Daughter

Farm House In A Wheat-field

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering somtin, because you're sure not picking anything up. I'll smack u on the head if u do!

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. PERIOD! You may glance at her, so long as you do not stare at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will personally break them off.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this:

You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my stapler gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'protection' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the protection, and I will kill you. (with Allah's permition, of course.) Get married first, PLZ!

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.

TAK YAH NK BODEK AK!

The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is

"sebelum maghrib."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.

If you make her cry,

I will make you cry.

Seriously!

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Jabatan Pulau Pinang. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like

  1. massaging my back
  2. helping my wife to clean the toilet
  3. cut the grass
  4. buy me a slurpee
  5. organizing my address book.

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter :

  1. Places where there have beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
  2. Places where there have no parents, policemen, or 4 org saksi within eyesight.
  3. Places where there is darkness.
  4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
  5. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, baby T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, Jubah - zipped up to her throat.
  6. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
  7. Liga Piala Malaysia games are ok.
  8. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a fat, balding, middle-aged, and a dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,

I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.

If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a stapler gun, dancing shoes and five acres behind the house. Do not play with me.

Rule Ten:
Treat her with all the respect you can manage.
Love her with all ur heart...
or u will suffer the wrath of my fist!

p/s this list can only be applied to the real world if one day i would have a daughter...
either wise, plz ignore.
Toodles!

Once upon a tyme...

St Pauls Hospital

Post copied from Sarah Iqbal...
i cant help but to copy this,
its sooo funny...

Feel free to make your own interpretations.

situation 1
# You were eating lunch at 5pm and someone knocked on your door. Turns out to be a salesgirl promoting coupons.

monologue: kenapa datang umah org petang2 nie... ko nie biar betul? BALIK!!

situation 2
# Your friend, a Vietnamese, went back to Vietnam just to celebrate Valentines with his girlfriend.

monologue: OMG! why are u doin this? u noe she's cheating on you!

situation 3
# Your friend asked you what did you do for valentines. You just smiled.

monologue: BODOH! as if u dont know im single!

situation 4
# You asked your friend to sign the attendance form for class on your behalf. They did not sign. They said they were sorry. You said, "its ok".

monologue: kenapa poyo sgt? bukan nyer ak suruh ko jilat kertas tue? give me a break!

situation 5
# A guy walked passed you while you were enjoying a cup of coffee and he said, "wow". You just kept drinking.

monologue: die nk tegor somebody else kot... ada org kat blakang ak ke? die nie salah org nie... asal die dok pandang ak lagi nie? FREAK!

situation 6
# You really needed to go to the restroom. Unfortunately, it was full. And the person inside was taking bloody long.

monologue: owh SHIT! plz come out! ak dh terkentot2 dh nie!

situation 7
# You walk passed beautiful people and they gave you 'the look'.

monologue: what are u looking at? malu la...jgn la pandang2! i noe i look good. :D

toodles.